'Self Care', OR 'FITTING YOUR OWN MASK FIRST' is the catch cry of the modern woman. We are expected to have it all, to do it all, all the while the menfolk are not under this pressure. This blog post offers you an insightful TEDTALK that may just blow your mind! It addresses the balance of 'needs' and 'wants' when dealing with our children. I also offer you further resources to help you explore this new way of thinking.
Evolutionary Parenting is a highly recommended resource. This particular post is worth a look. This is not a typical post for this website, but it (the whole post) needed to be said:
Yes, if you are a parent who is forever putting your wants above your children’s needs, under the guise that they need to “fit in” or that “happy parent = happy child” (a euphemism for taking the easy and selfish way out more often than it actually refers to parents taking care of themselves to care for their kids), you are behaving irresponsibly and selfishly. Deal with it or change, just don’t bitch that you’re being made to feel guilty or some such crap.
This particular section, I wanted to address. I often talk to mums about 'fitting their own mask first', and being sure to look after themselves and "Happy Mum, Happy Bub" has accommodated this. Of course, I mean it as remembering to take care of themselves, and usually mention things like stocking the freezer with pre-made nutritional meals and surrounding themselves with a supportive network.
This quote, however, raised an important point about interpretation.
I am sure that there have been many times that my 'happy mum, happy baby' has been interpreted as permission to put wants of the parent above the needs of the baby. There are times when the needs of mum are contrary to the needs of the baby. This is, usually, related to cultural or circumstantial situations, but may also be medical or emotional. The trick is ensuring that the needs of both mum and baby are met.
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The following video: The pace of modern life versus our cavewoman biochemistry: Dr Libby Weaver at TEDxQueenstown offers some insights into our biochemistry, and how it can impact our daily life. Understanding this biochemistry may help you make better decisions for your self care. This article might give you further insight into the weightloss factor she mentions.
From Biochemistry, to bio-mechanics:
Adding to the biochemical information in the video, we can deepen our understanding by exploring bio-mechanics. Move Your DNA is a book that will change the way you think. Katy Bowman developed Nutritious Movement from her bio-mechanics background. Her website contains an archive of information to explore.
With this knowledge, your 'self care' may look a lot different. Your mental health will improve, as the biochemistry talk suggests. Your ability to balance the necessary and discard the 'noise' will improve.
You can balance the needs of your child, with your own needs...and include some of your wants. You do not have to sacrifice your health (mind or body), your identity and you don't have to try to 'have it all'. You can outsource some things, and rethink others, and totally reject others. It is Your Life. Your Way.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.